admit fear, act on hope

•13 December 2008 • Leave a Comment

“Keep your fears to yourself,
but share your courage with others.” — Robert Louis Stevenson
(we need to admit our fears then act on our hope)
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“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
— Dale Carnegie —

Encourage your hopes NOT your fears.

When you have an external environment around you that supports you, holds you to account and brings out your best, it makes it easier to persevere, and ultimately to prevail, when your internal motivation system is running low.

Share your goals with positive people and ask for their support, take time regularly to schedule your priorities, join a support network or hire a coach. Likewise be VERY vigilant of those people and forces in your environment that could jeopardize your success. People who are unsupportive and discouraging can be like a lead chain around your ankle when it comes to moving forward. Einstein once said “Free spirits have always encountered violent opposition from cynical mediocre minds.” So do what you need to do minimize the impact of the mediocre minds in your life. Likewise, if there are other forces in your environment that could pull you off track, whether a lack of proper planning, organization or dysfunctional systems, attend to them. Don’t underestimate the impact your physical, social and emotional environment can have on your well-being, productivity and motivation to stay on track toward your goals.

What is courage?

Courage is not fearlessness. Nor is it an absence of self doubt.

Courage is action in the presence of fear.

Living with courage begins with taking a good honest look at the choices you are making today and challenging the assumptions, stories and excuses that are driving them. Stepping beyond the confines of your comfort zone will call on you to dig deeper into yourself than you have up to now; to dare to accomplish things which have no guarantee of success and to trade the ‘fine and good’ for an experience of life that is far better, deeper, richer and infinitely more gratifying to your spirit.

The world has more than its fair share of people living lives of immaculate mediocrity. There are things that you and only you can do; things that will never be done if you do not dare to do them. So don’t tip toe through life only to make it safely to death. Instead take your ‘fear bully’ by the horns and dare to dream more, do more, say more, live more, give more and be more!

Fortune favors the bold. So live boldly! Life’s too short to be lived any other way.

~Margie Warrell in “5 Simple Steps to Stop Fear From Running Your Life
[her blog supplements her book of the same name]

Fear is in the eye of the beholder

[H]ow do we overcome our fears?

First. Learn to admit them. This is the first step for resolving any problem. As Jesus once said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Second. Verbalize your fears. This gets them out in the open where they can be dealt with.

You can control your actions
regardless of your feelings.

Third. Don’t allow your fears to control you. It’s okay and normal to be scared out of your socks at times. However, it’s immature to allow your feelings to control your actions. You can control your actions regardless of your feelings. It’s not always easy but it is a choice we all have!

Fourth. If your fears are imaginary, acknowledge this and refuse to believe them. Get facts before jumping to conclusions. Remember, what the mind dwells on, it will eventually believe and act on. Refuse to dwell on fearful thoughts.

~Dick Innes in “Conquering Fear

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“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving,
you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on
in spite of it all.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr. —
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
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Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

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friends talk back but step up

•12 December 2008 • Leave a Comment

“No person is your friend who demands your silence,
or denies your right to grow.” — Alice Walker
(seek out people who talk back but step up)
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[original quote:]
“Please remember, especially in these times of group-think and right-on chorus, that no person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence,
or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed
as you were intended. Or who belittles in any fashion
the gifts you labour so to bring into the world.”
— from “In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens” —

FRIENDSHIP - a mutual union or bond felt between people who care deeply for one another

Why do we allow people to exist in our lives when they do nothing but bring us down? We feel we have to, we do not want to make others angry, and we do not want to be judged. If we no longer “play the game,” the toxic friend will seek out others to prop themselves upon. Love yourself and put your needs first. This friend will find another target in order to prop up her own fragile ego.

Friends should lift us up, leaving us feeling happy and at peace after interacting with them. Their care feels evident and sincere. A primary element in a healthy, positive friendship is that both friends can feel that they can be themselves; they don’t have to put on masks or impress one another. One key in healthy relationships is reciprocity. Reciprocity is about balance. Are you always the giver and never given to? We need to exchange the right amount of affection, attention, and care for relationship harmony to prevail.

~Sarah Elise Stauffer in “Detoxifying Toxic Friendships

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reading=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives
Friend or Frenemy?: A Guide to the Friends You Need and the Ones You Don’t
Friendships: Avoiding the Ones That Hurt, Finding the Ones That Heal
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Decide which friendships are most worthy of your time and effort.

You may have many friends in your life, and are finding it hard to manage them all. You will need to decide which ones are most important.. You may have some dear close friends that would do anything for you no matter what you may do. They are there for you regardless of the circumstances and want the best for you. These are great friends to spend your quality time with.

Then again, you may have those friends that just call you because they want or need something. They are the ones that don’t really put an equal effort into the friendship. You are friends because you met at an important time in your life, but now you may have little in common. These may not be ideal friends to continue putting at the top of your priority list.

You will likely find that some friendships will completely disappear, some will change to acquaintances, and some will become even closer and more important than they were in the past. Look at those friends and friendships that mean the most to you. Who puts in the most effort and time and energy? This may be a good way to decide who you should spend more time with.

~K in “Prioritizing friendships

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

[G]enuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.

~AllAboutGOD.com, “True Friendship

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“The best loving partnerships demand of us
not great sacrifice but great expansion.”
— Josh Mitteldorf —
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
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Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.</em

time provides opportunities

•10 December 2008 • Leave a Comment

“They say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.” — Andy Warhol
(time provides the opportunities, use them)
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“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” — Carol Burnett
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“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” — Alan Cohen

Change your life....now

You know the time has come, you can’t go on living the way you have been, you have got to step up and make the changes, it is time to take the bull by the horns, this much is certain.

It is time to change

So you know the time is now but taking action seems to be harder than you imagined, the difference between wanting to do something and actually doing it is actually quite large. All of a sudden you begin to question whether it is worth the effort. Perhaps now as you see the time has come and all that is required to change you begin to think that maybe you should just accept your life the way it is and just get on with it.

This would be a tragedy, a mistake of huge proportions, something which you must not let happen at any cost. It takes tremendous courage to take control of your life, most people never do. Remember it takes real effort and guts to change your life and grab control of your reigns. When you do step up and do what is required to make changes in your life you fall into the minority, as most never do, so once you decide to do something, congratulate yourself.

It can be done

The first step is identifying what it is you want to have, then to start taking action to make it happen.

Become inspired by your own life, it takes great confidence however old you are to take your life in a new direction but it can be done. Be positive and optimistic about what will happen in your future. Be proud of yourself to take the decision to create a new life for yourself. This is going to be a fun and exciting time for you as you go forth and write a new chapter in the play called ‘your life’.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anais Nin

~Paul Alexander Wood in “Your ideal life situation
[click thru for more info & to peruse his site]

Sometimes, things change and they are never the same again. That's life! Life moves on. And so should we.

You can pursue the crap out of your dreams. … Get started on being a decisive, confident Someday-buster:

  1. Start small
  2. Just as you wouldn’t try running marathon after years of little physical activity, you’re not going to tackle big life-changing decisions right away. Start small with decisions like what type of cheese on your sandwich, or what shirt you’ll wear for the day.

  3. Let yourself be wrong
  4. Fear of being wrong often causes people to mistrust their decisions. When I worked as a computer-lab support person, whenever I dealt with people who were terrified of breaking the computer, I’d grab their hands and smash them around on the keyboard and they’d learn that it’s actually difficult to make a permanent mistake. Very few decisions are life or death. You are allowed to be wrong on occasion.

  5. Lose the judgment and guilt
  6. Guilt and self-judgment have a huge affect on your ability to make a concrete decision. When you make a decision that takes you away from your dreams instead of moving you towards them, think of it as taking the scenic route and not as a wrong turn. Recognize the problem, change direction and get back on track. Judgment and guilt are just forms of self-punishment and who would ever punish themselves for taking the scenic route on a road trip?

~Alex Fayle in “7 Ways to Make Regret-Free Decisions and Overcome Insecurity
[be sure to click thru for 4 more ways to start changing your life today]

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“Just because everything is different
doesn’t mean anything has changed.”
— Irene Peter —
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
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Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

never give up on yourself

•8 December 2008 • 1 Comment

“Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” — J.K. Rowling
(by pursuing our dreams, we discover our purpose..
never give up on yourself)
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[original quote:]
“The thing about growing up with Fred and George,” said Ginny thoughtfully, “is that you sort of start thinking anything’s possible
if you’ve got enough nerve.”
— J.K. as Ginny Weasley
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“Laugh at yourself, but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don’t leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.” — Alan Alda

anything is possible

“The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone
of a solid and honorable success.”
— Hamilton Wright Mabie —

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reading=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Got a Dream? Never Give Up!
Pursue Your Dreams: Come What May
The Life Uncommon: How to Leave the Rat Race,
Pursue Your Passions, and Succeed Financially

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Believing in yourself and your dreams is so much harder than giving up. Giving up is easy. You just stop, and list all the examples you’ve collected of your failures and mistakes and say “That’s it. I just can’t do, so stop expecting me to succeed.”

But dreams and goals are what give us purpose and direction. I dream of being an inspiration to others, of motivating people to put more pleasure and fun into their life and to help them relax and find peace in themselves. Even if I never fulfill my dream, my writing and sharing with others helps me stay focused on these positive qualities. It helps me be a better person because I feel responsible to others.

Here are my tips to keep you believing in yourself:

• Pray, meditate and reconnect with your spiritual side.
• Chart your progress. Use a daily gratitude journal..
• Review your goals weekly.
• Read inspirational stories.
• Focus on the positive.

Above all don’t give up on yourself. You are a wonderful, complex, fascinating creation of the universe. The future lies open before you and it is up to you to make the best of it. Allow yourself to ponder the possibility of the limitless joys and exciting adventures that may yet await you. Believe it will happen, and then work to make it so.

~Shirley Jones in “Don’t Stop Believing In Yourself.
[click thru for more, including details on the tips]

BELIEVE

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
— Henry David Thoreau —

The people that accomplish their dreams realize the obstacles between them are not physical limitations, but psychic ones. They’ve overcome the social conditioning that’s told them their dreams are impossible or frivolous. They’ve discovered their true purpose and their passion. And they’ve found a place to keep their dreams safe, while they strive toward making them a reality.

Doing all of these things has enabled them to develop the auto response of determination to make their dreams happen. It’s not easy striving day after day to make your dreams happen when the final realization seems so far away. But even when you reach the manifestation you set out to accomplish, you realize something:

The life of your dreams that you set out for was only a shadow of a possibility.

What you thought was a 10, was really a 7. But it doesn’t really matter because realizing your dreams is not a linear process. It’s not necessarily the full accomplishment of your dreams that’s most important, but the constant movement in the direction of your heart.

When you see this, you’ll find that living your dreams is not so much a destination to be reached, but a consistent motion in that direction. You might have to move from working at a job you hate, to one you kind of like, before you find one that you love. And that’s okay, because you’re moving in the direction of liberation. It’s when you settle for less than you know possible that your dreams die.

~Jonathan Mead in “How to Live Your Dreams

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“Start by doing what’s necessary,
then do what’s possible,
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”
— St. Francis of Assisi —
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

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miracles are possible

•6 December 2008 • Leave a Comment

“Once all struggle is grasped,
miracles are possible.” — Mao Tse-Tung
(w/out the tunnel, the light would have
no meaning & never be reached)
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“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” — Jean de La Bruyère
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“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”
— Aristotle Onassis —

Now we all know Aristotle was a very smart and defining character in the world’s history and, with this quote, we can definitely see how true a point he makes.

Many people may look at how dark everything is around them, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, always that silver lining to life, to the situation they’re in. Nothing stays bad forever. For instance, the depth of our situation, how much suffering we do, how much crap we go through, is a refining process for us all, it makes us stronger people so, when the sun parts the dark clouds of life, we rise to the top and shine like the sun itself.

~Jennifer Scott, “The light through the darkness

Just like life

[One] type of miracle is the life-changing, transformational miracles that have lead you to completely change your focus and life direction. Accidents, illnesses, divorce, job losses force you to reconsider your options. This transformational miracle is an unwelcome friend pushing you along to discover your true life’s purpose.

This miracle, born from crisis, is a potent force for change. My commitment to transform my life obsessed me. I learned that harnessing my life’s purpose would activate my miracles and create the life I dreamed about. This was easier said than done. I had allowed myself to fall into disarray. I lived in fear 24 hours a day. Since I was desperate and knew there had to be a better way, I committed myself to making necessary changes. There was no choice. Hard work was required. It was not enough to intellectually know what needed to be done. I had to change myself. Other people have had similar miracles. Like Mike McGauley who lost the use of both his legs when his car was struck by a drunk driver. His doctors insisted on amputating his legs, but he refused. He was determined to walk. Mike now claims that “the accident that almost killed me turned out to save my life.” Twelve years later he ran his first triathlon and has gone on to become a professional speaker, coach, and founder of the Dream Builders. …

[Y]our obstacles and challenges can become the fuel for your life-transformational miracles. Step away from your problems, and reconsider them from the higher perspective. What life lessons are you learning from this? What do your challenges represent? What is the message in this challenge for you to overcome? This becomes the fertilizer to grow your miracle. Grab hold of the opportunity to make change before life forces it on you.

~Joan Hangarter, D.C., M.S. in “Miracles Made Easy

miracles by Walt Whitman

DARKENING OF THE LIGHT. In adversity
It furthers one to be persevering.

One must not unresistingly let himself be swept along by unfavorable circumstances, nor permit his steadfastness to be shaken. He can avoid this by maintaining his inner light, while remaining outwardly yielding and tractable. With this attitude he can overcome even the greatest adversities.

In some situations indeed a man must hide his light, in order to make his will prevail in spite of difficulties in his immediate environment. Perseverance must dwell in inmost consciousness and should not be discernible from without. Only thus is a man able to maintain his will in the face of difficulties.

~The I Ching or Book of Changes, 36. Ming I

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“I am realistic — I expect miracles.”
— Wayne Dyer —
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

never lose hope

•4 December 2008 • Leave a Comment

“We must accept finite disappointment
but never lose infinite hope.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
(each setback could prove to be a step forward)
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“Rigid beliefs make disappointments seem unbearable, whereas realistic beliefs help us to accept disappointment and go on from there.”
— Eileen Kennedy-Moore —
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“True hope dwells on the possible, even when life seems to be a plot written by someone who wants to see how much adversity we can overcome. True hope responds to the real world, to real life; it is an active effort.”
— Walter Anderson —

hope

We all make plans, have dreams, and set goals. Will our plans materialize or end in complete failure? The only thing certain about life is uncertainty. So, our frail attempts may end in glorious victory or frustrating defeat. Such is the nature of life. We are destined to engage in a series of celebrations interspersed with a series of disappointments. Because of this, it is important to learn how to deal with disappointment. Martin Luther King, Jr. suggests one way of coping; mainly, by accepting it. After all, disappointment occurs in just one moment of time. And hope, or the understanding that future successes will follow, lightens its burden.

The word disappointment is made up of DIS and APPOINTMENT. DIS means separate, apart, or asunder. So, disappointment describes a feeling of dissatisfaction or anguish, which is experienced when we are torn apart from our expected appointment with fate. Yet, we don’t have to experience pain when things don’t go our way. The negativity surrounding disappointment exists not in the real world, but only in our mind. It is not the event, but our interpretation of it that causes pain.

Every time I take a walk with a friend, Will, regardless where we go, he always finds coins in the street and on the sidewalk. Mainly pennies, but sometimes nickels, dimes, and quarters. Hundreds of people walk by unaware of the change beneath their feet. So why is it that Will, who could use the extra money, always seems to find it? There’s no mysterious force at work here. Just common sense. Will finds the money because he’s looking for it! This is just a simple illustration of an important principle of life, which is WE FIND WHAT WE LOOK FOR. When things don’t go as I had hoped they would, is that bad? It is if I look for something bad. If I am slammed on the head by disappointment, is that good? Yes, it is, if I look for something good. We find what we look for.


“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” — Joseph Addison

~Chuck Gallozzi in “Dealing With Disappointment

Martin Luther King, Jr. Once Said..

I think it is possible to have a positive approach to disappointment. I don’t mean that it is a pleasant experience, but that disappointment can provide us with valuable information that we can learn from. … The best expression of this positive approach that I know is by Joanna Macy, a Buddhist social activist. Her approach is that disappointment is valuable because, “When you are disappointed you are not pretending.” (my paraphrase) This is true (though it applies to any other experience or emotion that we don’t withdraw from).

If, instead of avoiding our experiences, we embrace them, we find that we keep living and develop a resilience and sense of who we are. This gives us the sense that we are not any of our particular experiences — a sense of detachment from them. … If we can welcome, or at least acknowledge, our disappointment we gain a softness, a sense of our vulnerability (which is a good antidote to any ideas that we are ‘above’ suffering, or any grandiose thoughts that we may have). By welcoming our disappointment we can expand our compassion.

Here are some ideas I have that may help in times of disappointment, so that you can move to making disappointment a part of your experience and not something that overwhelms who you are — to gain some sense of detachment from it. I hope you find them useful.

1. Talk to your friends or family about your disappointment.
2. Find what the disappointment means to you.
3. Find the healthy desire.
4. Express your disappointment with all of you.
5. With a big disappointment, moving on means living differently.

~Evan Hadkins in “Disappointment
[click thru for examples of the ideas]

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“One’s best success comes after their greatest disappointments.”
— Henry Ward Beecher —
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

neither good nor bad

•3 December 2008 • 1 Comment

“It is absurd to divide people into good or bad.
People are either charming or tedious.” — Oscar Wilde
(we choose which to be & what we see)
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“..for there is nothing either good or bad,
but thinking makes it so.” — William Shakespeare

Yin Yang

“There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers…even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”
— Abraham Maslow —

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Black and white thinking is when you believe something either has to be one thing or another; good or bad, right or wrong, all or nothing. There are three ways that black and white thinking can hamper our lives, these three things are: thinking in black and white robs us of a great chance for balance in our lives, people are gray — no one is either all good or all bad, and we lose in black and white thinking because we are never going to be everything we want to be. Three ways to get away from black and white thinking are: accepting that you’re not perfect, the next time you feel judgmental stop and ask yourself why, and try and find the gray in one situation today.

~David B. Bohl, intro to “Get Rid of Black and White Thinking Once and for All

how to be good

I used to think in extremes: good or bad, black or white, right or wrong.

I’ve always believed that everything in life is a choice, and that anything can be changed, no matter how good, bad, open, limited, difficult or easy the decision and changes are. We are who we are by doing what we do.

Classifying things into “good” and “bad” always provided me with a foundation towards making a decision.

But I’ve learned over time that there’s a lot of grey, and that life just isn’t that simple.

Instead of always focusing on what should be or could be, perhaps the greater opportunity is to recognize boundaries, accept what is and figure out ways to improve, modify or change that.

~Taylor Davidson, “It’s neither good nor bad, it just is.”
[do click thru as his is actually a photo blog]

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Are You Trapped in Black-and-White Thinking?
PLEASE click thru for a phenomenal illusion &
examples of real-life black-and-white thinking..
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Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.