friends talk back but step up
“No person is your friend who demands your silence,
or denies your right to grow.” — Alice Walker
(seek out people who talk back but step up)
“Please remember, especially in these times of group-think and right-on chorus, that no person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence,
or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed
as you were intended. Or who belittles in any fashion
the gifts you labour so to bring into the world.”
— from “In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens” —
Why do we allow people to exist in our lives when they do nothing but bring us down? We feel we have to, we do not want to make others angry, and we do not want to be judged. If we no longer “play the game,” the toxic friend will seek out others to prop themselves upon. Love yourself and put your needs first. This friend will find another target in order to prop up her own fragile ego.
Friends should lift us up, leaving us feeling happy and at peace after interacting with them. Their care feels evident and sincere. A primary element in a healthy, positive friendship is that both friends can feel that they can be themselves; they don’t have to put on masks or impress one another. One key in healthy relationships is reciprocity. Reciprocity is about balance. Are you always the giver and never given to? We need to exchange the right amount of affection, attention, and care for relationship harmony to prevail.
~Sarah Elise Stauffer in “Detoxifying Toxic Friendships”
Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives
Friend or Frenemy?: A Guide to the Friends You Need and the Ones You Don’t
Friendships: Avoiding the Ones That Hurt, Finding the Ones That Heal
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Decide which friendships are most worthy of your time and effort.
You may have many friends in your life, and are finding it hard to manage them all. You will need to decide which ones are most important.. You may have some dear close friends that would do anything for you no matter what you may do. They are there for you regardless of the circumstances and want the best for you. These are great friends to spend your quality time with.
Then again, you may have those friends that just call you because they want or need something. They are the ones that don’t really put an equal effort into the friendship. You are friends because you met at an important time in your life, but now you may have little in common. These may not be ideal friends to continue putting at the top of your priority list.
You will likely find that some friendships will completely disappear, some will change to acquaintances, and some will become even closer and more important than they were in the past. Look at those friends and friendships that mean the most to you. Who puts in the most effort and time and energy? This may be a good way to decide who you should spend more time with.
~K in “Prioritizing friendships”
[G]enuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.
~AllAboutGOD.com, “True Friendship”
“The best loving partnerships demand of us
not great sacrifice but great expansion.”
— Josh Mitteldorf —
Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
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